Leap of Faith

I won't bother posting the entire poem here because, really, to experience my work you must get the full-on effects of the "entire piece of work" so I am just posting the link where it is located on my web site for my book and my poetry.

Other than that, there's really not much to say people. I have a whole four followers on this blog. I don't know if I will even continue on with my causes. There are just too many projects I have going all at once so I can't give my entire focus and energy to any one or even three or four of them because there are just so man things I jave going on at the same time. That is my fault and I apologize for being ADHD and starting too many things all at once and making it so none of them get the best possible loving care and attention they deserve and need to be successful.

If you don't see anything on this site after this then Goodbye. I liked having you all here. I wish I would have had more input form you all but if that was out of anyone's comfort zone then I wouldn't want to push my wants over anyone else's comfort level. Take care of yourselves and may God bless all of you with all your heart's desires. I know I've been gifted beyond my wildenst dreams and I feel so damn rich like the wealthiest person alive at times but then sometimes it is like a curse to know so much of what others are feeling, thinking and doing. And it just dawned on me that I am rambling and making no sense. I apologize. I haven't slept at all for over 24 hours. I hope to be sleeping for a very long time soon.

Always give your best at all you do and never under estimate what it is you can accomplish!

We need some action on this board

We need some action on this board. Why is it I'm the only one who ever posts anything? Well, I have another story to tell, but right now my son is sick and needs his mother to be with him so it will have to wait a while.  Trust me it won't make you smile. It really ticked me off when I figured it all out and put all the pieces of the puzzle into place. Let's just say someone had the audacity to turn me in to medicaid/dws (food stamps) which I have never, ever, had to utilize in my entire life because I've always been fortunate enough to have a good job or been lucky enough to break the law and not get caught. I believe in carrying my own weight and not relying upon anyone for help. That's my values though I've had to eat humble pie more than a time or two during my lifetime. But never have I had to stoop to depending upon state funding to survive. I wouldn't have to but me and my husband are separated and I make a whole $96.00/wk on unemployment. That doesn't cover the costs of gasoline and personal hygiene items (believe me) in and of itself. So I am also self employed as an Intuitive/Medium. I don't see very many clients (very sporadic in getting clients and it's by no means an income I could say I can count upon) not only that I am probably the cheapest in my field billing only $25 per half hour. I have taken a loss every year I have been doing this mind you. I spend more on supplies than I make in revenue. That said, someone had the nuts to turn me in as being self employed to the state as if I was trying to scam the state out of the benefits I was getting from them. As if! I am a Spiritual person and I am a very honest person. I don't do things like that. Everything I get I absolutely need and I actually need more (cash would be ideal) but they were only going to pay me an additional $99.00 per month while making me run around for 40 hours per week (using fuel I have no mone to pay for) looking for work etc.  I already have a full time (from 9am to 2am) job that doesn't pay anything. What do they know about me or my personal issues and/or life situations to go and deciede I am doing something wrong without first confronting me. That is the epitome of a pussy right there. Non-confrontational (in an assertive way not passive aggressive way).  Anyway, I will give details next post or maybe reply to this one.

Daddy's Fear Factor

Daddy’s Fear Factor


is it fear of commitment
or are you just sick of me
do you even want to be with me
or is your love intermittent?
I feel like my life’s on hold
and, daddy, it’s really getting old
it feels so dark and cold
the pain in my chest grabs hold
anxiety attacks are my daily snack
the worst thing about it
is knowing they’ll be back
every single night like clockwork
because you never want to try to work
out a fucking thing about us
every time I bring “us” up you go berserk
whenever I bring up the fact
that I think you’re never coming back
and how that truly makes me feel
no, it doesn’t matter if it’s really real
it’s how your words make it seem
it’s like I’m living inside of a dream
that one day you’ll be back with me
but I know you’re just sitting there laughing at me
telling me things to keep me holding on
singing me the same old fucked up song
saying you’ve got to handle shit
and, daddy, I know there’s something going on
you can do all your stuff right here
and you know that it’s just your fear
that keeps you running away to your mom’s
putting us aside for so long
you tell me I’m the one you love
but your actions haven’t proven it
you’ve just left me with mounds and mounds of shit
without a shovel to deal with it
if you really wanted it we’d be together now
don’t you know that’s the only way how
I’ll ever feel calm or trust you again
don’t you know you are my only friend
the only one I could ever count upon
but then you, too, abandoned me
even though I depended so entirely on
you to never leave me
but that’s exactly what you did
now I feel just like a little fucking kid
sitting on my porch again
waiting for my stupid dad but then
he never shows to pick me up
more important things were holding him up
his tee time he had in the morning
so I sat all day just fucking mourning
the feeling so deep of abandonment
to this day I haven’t gotten over it
what you did just brought it up again
my husband, my best and only friend
you say that you don’t know when
you’ll be able to be with me again
I say that’s just a cop out my friend
everyone knows what they’re doing when
they’re doing what they’re doing and
they always have a tentative plan
some idea of how to regulate
the way they spend their fucking day
you are no different than any one of them
you’re so meticulous my daddy, my only friend
you used to plan the schedules for programs
I’m supposed to believe you’ve no diagram
maybe some tourist would buy that shit
but I’ve been living here my whole life so it
doesn’t make any sense to me
you’ve always planned your fucking destiny
so why can’t you just use some honesty
when you are communicating with me?

©January 2011 – Tamara Roberts Nicholas