You Lied

You Lied


I wish you never lied
broke my heart, tore my soul
shredded my trust
still you look me in the eyes
denying everything
as if I am in imbecile
telling me I’m insane
it’s all a figment of my imagination
a dream I imagined to place blame
you say it’s just you and me
we are two fucked up
well I agree
I buried the truth so damn deep
refused to believe, refused to see
what was blatantly
in front of me
too painful to face
too sick to believe
the shit you conceived
right in front of me
I hope you had fun
I hope those cunts
were worth what you’ve done
see I’m not done
I’ve just begun
I’ll point my gun
right at the sun
put the lights out
take your life now
no, not literally
I know you see
what I really mean
I’ll take you down
six feet under ground
maybe there you’ll find
the piece of mind
that you took of mine
and my wedding present
you used with those peasants
screaming “double A”
they were only half gay
yes, bi-sexual friends
not quite lesbians
you all had a great time
with that gift of mine
you’re such a low life
didn’t use it with your wife
you escaped Aubry’s herpes
was Amber also diseased?
Did you do Amy too
or was that too much for you
yes, I’m an angry wife
no wonder, this is my life
don’t worry I’m finally done
I’ve finally contacted someone
you can fuck them guilt free
but you won’t fuck me

©June 29, 2010 – Tamara Nicholas

The Games Addicts and Alcoholics Play in Rehab

Today me and my husband (who is the program director at an upscale, residential substance abuse facility in Cottonwood Heights, Utah where I used to work as well) were getting ready to go to Salt Lake to some "new age" shops to hand out flyers for my busines White Light Therapy.  Just as my husband was going to get into the shower he got a text message from one of his client relations staff.  She was informing him of a client who is diabetic whose blood sugar was at 238 and was complaining of the "shakes" and wanting to go to the emergency room.  Me and my husband were just outside talking about this client and how she is constantly drinking soda pop and I was telling him that she sounded like my step-mom who is also diabetic and does the same thing which makes her blood sugar sky-rocket.  Then she has to dose herself with insulin to bring her sugar back down but because she's getting older the amount of insulin it takes to bring her sugar down varies from what it once was so now when she injects herself, after her sugar sky-rockets, her sugar drops so low that she "goes out" and my dad has to call the paramedics to revive her.  This happens every single day.

Anyway, I told my husband that he should have their doctor lay out a diet for her and make the client sign a contract agreeing to stick to that diet and not vary outside of it or else she'll be discharged so that the facility won't find themselves in a sticky case of liabilty where the client is comatose or dead.  That's when the text came in.  Well, this client was obviously working the client relations staff member because a blood glucose level of 238 is high not low.  The shakes are caused by low glucose levels not high glucose.

You see, this client had already complained to that client relations staff member about how she was affraid her husband wasn't going to show up to the family group today.  So, in order to avoid embarrassment of being in the group without her husband showing up (in front of the other clients) she decided to "play sick" so she could be at the ER instead of in group.  Isn't it funny how close to adolescents addicts and alcoholics truly are?  In fact, they really are.  In reality an addict or alcoholic stop maturing at the age they started to use.  So, if this client started to use alcohol as a teenager, or even earlier, she really only has the emotional maturity of the age she began using.  Doesn't it make sense then that she would act so immature?  Why wouldn't she play sick?

I think my husband (rather than inconveniencing his entire staff in order to accomodate this client to get her to the ER for what was an obvious case of "crying wolf") should have told the client, "Okay, I can see you're not doing well.  Since this is an emergency and we are short staffed, if you feel you must go to the ER then we'll have to call the paramedics.  Is that okay with you?"  Then, if she still insisted on going, she would be responsible for, not only the ER bill, but also the paramedics charges as well.  Once more, the client relations staff could tell the paramedics that she is diabetic and that she may need IV fluids and oxygen for the ride to the hospital.  That would jack the price of her ride up from $800 to about $1500.  Now, if that didn't teach her not to cry wolf I don't know what would....