G.W. was obsessed,
dressed to impress
upon our minds
but the simpletons
were the only ones too blind
to face the facts
behind the attacks
upon the nine
and the eleven
while he claimed heaven
sent him to set things straight
motivated by hate
he said Al Qaeda’s behind this
there wasn’t any debate
sent thousands of troops after
I heard his idiotic laughter
saw his delusional disaster
knowing he was twisting truth
manipulating words
while pronouncing them wrong
with red-necks singing along
to his bull-shit tune of turd
he sounded beyond absurd
not even the press
who asked him questions
could have cared less
for his alliterations
made no sense - nonsense
designed his entire defense
The War on Terror
he became the furor
so I became the stirrer
of a big, black kettle
yeah, it was Heavy Metal
like clapping thunder
I took the blunder
formed from liars
also known as republicans
The New World Order
was erasing our border
this capitalist system
protected by him
he’s one of them
look at your American dollar
then scream and holler
bring this secret society
out for the world to see
I’m not talking shit
won’t play any part in it
don’t (anyone) start to trip
because I didn’t flip
I shine too bright for this
still it gets me pissed
I want it to stop
before more bodies drop
that’s just the top
of a sickening list
civil rights and liberties
I’ve grown to miss
privacy agreements
they want me to sign
in medical offices
as if I were blind
as to what I would agree
to have taken from me
given for national security
clinical and personal information
they’re for capital punishment
but against abortion
by their own distortion
our confidentiality is dead
so they can move ahead
incriminating what they’ve read
who’s the one who said
life’s not fair
now cut your hair
then shave your head
go over-seas to shed
your blood, though it’s still red
whether here or there
remember life’s not fair
how much more can I bear
I know ethics are rare
especially in politics
what can we really expect
from raving lunatics
who will never respect
our right to privacy
they want to see what they want to see
but they’ll never see me
sign a fucking document
like a human experiment
giving them keys to my head
keys to my home
liberty to roam and roam
providing evidence
at my own expense
to prove I’m a terrorist
though at the very best
I’m humanity’s activist
with a lemon twist
so sour to devour
taking all their power
absorbing it like dry dirt
I hope they all hurt
by me speaking my truth
even though it’s uncouth
another thing that’s sad
it makes me so mad
it’s something so bad
something I wish we never had
the fact that they’re racist
because they insist
our new president "who’s black"
is at best a closet socialist
as they show up to town halls
with a whole lot of balls
packing heat on their hips
shouting from thin lips
about health care reform
bringing hatred with a storm
not realizing they’re the norm
who would benefit from change
they’re all so deranged
the VA and Medicare
neither make them stop to stare
crying out socialized medicine
that would take thinking for them
I imagine them thinking, brain-storming
with hatred just pouring
Obama’s not even American
what the fuck’s wrong with them?
I guess Hawaii’s not a state
because it was purchased real estate
we didn’t kill off the natives
we didn’t call them savages
neither were the Eskimos
it’s quite funny they don’t know
the innuendo of tea-bagger
within the context of pros or prose
some things they don’t get
like the true meaning of freedom
because they’re all too damn dumb
things like choice, civil and equal rights
you know, the cause of our original fight
against a king and form of government
how many lives were spent?
G.W. destroyed it in eight years
they should all be shedding tears
instead they hold picket signs
showing just how blind
how ignorant they are
they should all get a star
for being such schmucks
for making this country suck
they are biting their tongues
they should all eat their young
for having to hold themselves back
because our president is black
they want to shout the “N” word
even though that’s been heard
they won’t let it out in that way
they play “tippy-toe” today
where did their balls go?
were they just there for show?
©February 2010 – Tamara Nicholas
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Memories of Cornbread
feels as if bugs are crawling all over
itching, irritated, ripping holes into tanned skin
scratching all over, every inch, my body
hoping to kill them or alleviate nerves shocking
vile and hateful, my mouth, cursing at “the professionals”
they ask me dumb questions prolonging agony
broken teeth, dental work, cavities, really?
asking me such questions so inapplicable
demanding to skip the bull shit just dose me
get into a comfortable bed, wait for the effects
I want a hot shower to sooth cramping muscles
cramping stomach, intestines
stabbing my insides like I swallowed an ice-pick
(a bullet would be quicker, less expensive, more relief)
it’s finally over in six days, yes, I’ve found freedom
not shallow freedom our forefathers desired
free from myself, the hell I created, uncertain
maybe it created me and I flourished in it
thought I had angel’s wings
thought so many stupid things
some were real, none of them matter
they led me to “right now” where I need drugs
drugs to stop the sickness, the pain
mental obsessions, emotionally bankrupt
cliché as it sounds, as it is, it’s what is
cliché is my life founded on fake memories
things like hope, serenity, and forgiveness
memories that crumbled like poorly baked cornbread
now I’m corn-fed and I feel human again
©February 2010 – Tamara Nicholas
itching, irritated, ripping holes into tanned skin
scratching all over, every inch, my body
hoping to kill them or alleviate nerves shocking
vile and hateful, my mouth, cursing at “the professionals”
they ask me dumb questions prolonging agony
broken teeth, dental work, cavities, really?
asking me such questions so inapplicable
demanding to skip the bull shit just dose me
get into a comfortable bed, wait for the effects
I want a hot shower to sooth cramping muscles
cramping stomach, intestines
stabbing my insides like I swallowed an ice-pick
(a bullet would be quicker, less expensive, more relief)
it’s finally over in six days, yes, I’ve found freedom
not shallow freedom our forefathers desired
free from myself, the hell I created, uncertain
maybe it created me and I flourished in it
thought I had angel’s wings
thought so many stupid things
some were real, none of them matter
they led me to “right now” where I need drugs
drugs to stop the sickness, the pain
mental obsessions, emotionally bankrupt
cliché as it sounds, as it is, it’s what is
cliché is my life founded on fake memories
things like hope, serenity, and forgiveness
memories that crumbled like poorly baked cornbread
now I’m corn-fed and I feel human again
©February 2010 – Tamara Nicholas
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Trying to Find Out Where the Pink Cloud Resides
I’ve been trying to find out where the pink cloud resides now that it vacated the space I was leasing it in the mid 90's."HEY. PINK CLOUD. Why don't you call me anymore?"
The funny things about clouds are they can turn colors so quickly. All they require is a body of water to pass over to become gray. They don't even have to be severely gray to lay down a pile of snow. Snow is also funny. If you don't have experience driving in it you can easily crash. Sometimes, because of ignorance and inexperience, it only takes "trying to maintain control of your vehicle" to cause you to spin out of control doing 360's from one side of the road into oncoming traffic. Just driving in the manner you have been taught or grown accustom to can go from you wrecking into an inanimate object to taking multiple cars along with you creating an 18 car pile up. Yep, sometimes it's better to release "control" entirely and go with auto-pilot. I will explain what I mean by "auto-pilot."
The earth is merely a huge puppeteer stage and we humans are gigantic Marionette puppets. We have long, invisible strings attached to a large, wooden control unit. Our Higher Power manipulates the wooden control which pulls our strings which makes us move in many different directions. So long as our Higher Power is the one with the control unit we will stay on a path which provides us with many learning opportunities and (sometimes) opportunities to teach. The path is the path which flows smoothly, effortlessly, and reaches many pleasant destinations. When we (the puppets) decide we are clever enough to know what is best for ourselves and/or others we begin to stretch the strings. Eventually they snap giving us complete control of our actions and the roads we travel which lead us to many destinations. These journeys, though just as scenic as before, always lead us to the same two destinations. Those two destinations are institutions and/or death. Not necessarily in that order...
No matter how much recovery time you have under your belt you have been given your own control unit. It's called a brain. The brain is the only imperfect organ in the human body. It is only imperfect because it was given the ability to think at such rapid rates. It can propel the body and spirit with its thoughts. It does this because thoughts are what form emotions. Emotions are the single most powerful vessel created by our Higher Power. The only thing more powerful (within human beings) is their Spirit. The Spirit is an extension of our Higher Power and if we allow our Spirit to maintain control of that wooden control unit we are effortlessly more happy. When our brain rationalizes with the Spirit and begins to converse it is so much louder than the voice of Spirit it easily takes over the conversation. This is the defect which creates all other character defects.
The mind is a very powerful tool we have been given. It's important to use our tools as they were intended. When we use a stick of dynamite rather than a "saws-all" to make an opening in a solid wall as we remodel our home we're going to create the need for a new wall to be built. This comes at a much higher cost than if we'd used a saws-all to create a measured, thought out opening requiring only a small amount of materials to give birth to the look we'd intended to create. None of us go out into the world saying, "I want to be a heroin and cocaine addict so I can completely silence the voice of my Spirit and damage all major organs in my body. Create huge voids in all the relationships which are important to me. Alienating any and all reason, capacity to love in an unconditional and healthy way. Then eventually die from the drugs themselves or the situations I choose to be in in order to maintain my self destructive lifestyle." No, only after long periods of sobriety which have given us experiences which are healthy because we repaired the strings and gave up the control unit to our Higher Power do we realize the error of our ways and what led us to break the ties with our Higher Power. Once that is realized (completely) should we go back to our old ways we do so with full knowledge of what we are doing. That knowledge, mixed with the complete ignorance of it, brings us to self destruction in newer and more heinous ways than we experienced before.
We thought we'd experienced hell the first time around when we hit bottoms that made us crave and strive for a new way, a release of our will, a surrender to our Higher Power. That was merely a glimpse into what hell truly is because when we "use," with the knowing that what we are doing is not right, then we get to experience hell in all its hateful glory.
My name is Tammy and I have been to hell and back more times than I care to remember. Though it's not something I care to remember I must remember everything because if I forget, for even a milisecond, where I've been and how I got there I will most certainly be sentenced to a life of immeasureable self-loathing and misery. I've lived too many of my "human years" in hell. I must give up control to my Higher Power if I want to achieve any level of true happiness. True happiness is created and saturated with unconditional love. Unconditional love for myself, my Creator, and my fellow fucked up human brothers and sisters. We are one family, one race. That race is the human race and we all share the same Creator (Parents) no matter what our religions, agnosticism, or brains tell us.
The funny things about clouds are they can turn colors so quickly. All they require is a body of water to pass over to become gray. They don't even have to be severely gray to lay down a pile of snow. Snow is also funny. If you don't have experience driving in it you can easily crash. Sometimes, because of ignorance and inexperience, it only takes "trying to maintain control of your vehicle" to cause you to spin out of control doing 360's from one side of the road into oncoming traffic. Just driving in the manner you have been taught or grown accustom to can go from you wrecking into an inanimate object to taking multiple cars along with you creating an 18 car pile up. Yep, sometimes it's better to release "control" entirely and go with auto-pilot. I will explain what I mean by "auto-pilot."
The earth is merely a huge puppeteer stage and we humans are gigantic Marionette puppets. We have long, invisible strings attached to a large, wooden control unit. Our Higher Power manipulates the wooden control which pulls our strings which makes us move in many different directions. So long as our Higher Power is the one with the control unit we will stay on a path which provides us with many learning opportunities and (sometimes) opportunities to teach. The path is the path which flows smoothly, effortlessly, and reaches many pleasant destinations. When we (the puppets) decide we are clever enough to know what is best for ourselves and/or others we begin to stretch the strings. Eventually they snap giving us complete control of our actions and the roads we travel which lead us to many destinations. These journeys, though just as scenic as before, always lead us to the same two destinations. Those two destinations are institutions and/or death. Not necessarily in that order...
No matter how much recovery time you have under your belt you have been given your own control unit. It's called a brain. The brain is the only imperfect organ in the human body. It is only imperfect because it was given the ability to think at such rapid rates. It can propel the body and spirit with its thoughts. It does this because thoughts are what form emotions. Emotions are the single most powerful vessel created by our Higher Power. The only thing more powerful (within human beings) is their Spirit. The Spirit is an extension of our Higher Power and if we allow our Spirit to maintain control of that wooden control unit we are effortlessly more happy. When our brain rationalizes with the Spirit and begins to converse it is so much louder than the voice of Spirit it easily takes over the conversation. This is the defect which creates all other character defects.
The mind is a very powerful tool we have been given. It's important to use our tools as they were intended. When we use a stick of dynamite rather than a "saws-all" to make an opening in a solid wall as we remodel our home we're going to create the need for a new wall to be built. This comes at a much higher cost than if we'd used a saws-all to create a measured, thought out opening requiring only a small amount of materials to give birth to the look we'd intended to create. None of us go out into the world saying, "I want to be a heroin and cocaine addict so I can completely silence the voice of my Spirit and damage all major organs in my body. Create huge voids in all the relationships which are important to me. Alienating any and all reason, capacity to love in an unconditional and healthy way. Then eventually die from the drugs themselves or the situations I choose to be in in order to maintain my self destructive lifestyle." No, only after long periods of sobriety which have given us experiences which are healthy because we repaired the strings and gave up the control unit to our Higher Power do we realize the error of our ways and what led us to break the ties with our Higher Power. Once that is realized (completely) should we go back to our old ways we do so with full knowledge of what we are doing. That knowledge, mixed with the complete ignorance of it, brings us to self destruction in newer and more heinous ways than we experienced before.
We thought we'd experienced hell the first time around when we hit bottoms that made us crave and strive for a new way, a release of our will, a surrender to our Higher Power. That was merely a glimpse into what hell truly is because when we "use," with the knowing that what we are doing is not right, then we get to experience hell in all its hateful glory.
My name is Tammy and I have been to hell and back more times than I care to remember. Though it's not something I care to remember I must remember everything because if I forget, for even a milisecond, where I've been and how I got there I will most certainly be sentenced to a life of immeasureable self-loathing and misery. I've lived too many of my "human years" in hell. I must give up control to my Higher Power if I want to achieve any level of true happiness. True happiness is created and saturated with unconditional love. Unconditional love for myself, my Creator, and my fellow fucked up human brothers and sisters. We are one family, one race. That race is the human race and we all share the same Creator (Parents) no matter what our religions, agnosticism, or brains tell us.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The Face of a Flower
The link in the title will take you to the actual piece. I don't write daily as I used to. I was improving so quickly back when I wrote daily. It's as if I'm starting from the beginning again when it comes to writing poetry. Please feel free to give your thoughts about content, flow, imagery, or any old opinion that comes to mind. Feedback is always helpful.
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